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Polyamory and the different variants of love - social liberals [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
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Polyamory and the different variants of love [Jan. 3rd, 2009|01:28 am]
social liberals


'Love' encompasses a wide range of emotions. Any variant of love is characterized by a feeling of 'softness'. There are 2 component emotions, which can act either alone or in combination, to produce love. Those component emotions are oneness and humility.

In a love relationship, the emotion of oneness, if it is present, causes the behaviors of telling eachother everything about oneself and one's recent events, always telling the truth, not keeping secrets, and doing everything together or otherwise always keeping in contact. The emotion of oneness can also be detected in the tone of voice when in the company of eachother.

In a love relationship, the emotion of humility, if it is present, causes a gentle weakness in one's regard to eachother, and this can be expressed both in one's demeanor toward eachother and in one's manner of affection. One behavior that humility is conducive to is bowing, though this of course is not a behavior that is associated with love relationships, though there is the antiquated behavior of bowing while kissing a woman on the back of the hand.

Exclusive monoamory is based upon egotistical dominant-territorialism, which is the opposite of humility. Therefore, people whose love is of the exclusive monoamorous sort can not incorporate humility into their love, but only oneness. Non-exclusive people, on the other hand, are not bound by this restriction. Not only can non-exclusive people use humility as a component of their love, but they can also use love that is purely humility-derived, such that it does not incorporate oneness at all.

[User Picture]From: striga
2009-01-03 04:34 am (UTC)
I think there can be many reasons for monogamy beyond "egotistical dominant-territorialism." For example, while my husband and I are technically poly, we haven't exercised our options for a few years. This is certainly not because we think we own each other. The overwhelming reason is because we have a young child, and we simply don't have time for outside activities. We come home from work, play with the baby, do piles of laundry, nurse/sing/rock the boy to sleep, and collapse exhausted into bed.

Although I do think that some monogamous couples want to establish rights over each other, I think the heart of the matter is simpler than that. People have evolved to feel jealous. I think that the sense of ownership grows out of the primal feelings of jealousy, and not vice-versa. We created a culture where one member of a couple can control the other because people couldn't cope with their feelings of jealousy. Because of this culture, some people will feel angry or insulted by a partner's romantic or sexual roaming, but I think the jealousy itself is as instinctive as sexual attraction.

Of course, some people are naturally more or less jealous than others, and the less jealous types are likely to be attracted to polyamory. As a polyamorous person, I'd like to pretend that I'm more evolved, but the truth is I just don't get upset when my husband is attracted to another woman. I've always been short on jealousy, since long before I'd heard of polyamory as a concept.
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